{Tuesday, 13 August 2013} 12:38 pm
Well, I've deserted this blog which is quite a crime since the viewer list has risen up since my last post :p
I love you, whoever you are who read this blog.
Okay, so I've abandoned my Germany dream because I feel learning German in just six months is a lot of work, you know me, I don't like much fuss. I want something simple, something that requires less work but achieves about-the-same result.
My friend told me if I wanted to lend, say, 10% more of my energy to whatever I'm doing, I should've beaten the smartest kid in the class. But I don't want that.
Like I said, I don't like fussy things.
Oh, now I'm talking like Shikamaru but the difference is, I'm not a genius.

Okay, I don't know how but I ended up in Diponegoro University in Semarang without even trying (yeah, I passed through my report cards which is very surprising since my score is one of the lowest around. Hello, my lucky charms *kissing my rubber bands*) and somehow, yeah, okay with that.
Since I don't have to do more tests then it's perfect, although deep down I wanted to try Gadjah Mada University or maybe University of Indonesia, but then, my lack of passion overwhelmed the desire.
Marine Science faculty, I'm going to be a marine geologist after this so I can travel for free.

New story, new life in Semarang and... new love (I'm not even sure about this one)
Seriously, I have to get over it one day although it's not as easy as turning your hand.
But I believe, someday, I will.
I will get married and have kids and raise a family... if I don't die young which is quite a probability.
The thing is, I would never wanted to live a normal life.
If I'm going to dying at a young age, bring it on, but let me live the way I wanted to before I die.
It might sound selfish but,  myself comes first than the other things such as families can come later.
I don't even know if I have a time to care about a lover or anything, I wasn't born for lovey-dovey things, I'm sorry.
But the sight of my friends being happy with the one they love is very heartwarming you know, even though you're not the one with a partner but somehow, it satisfies you.
If you don't then it is working for me.

You know what am I doing right now? I'm having a serious insomnia that makes me sleep at four in the morning every day.
Well, it does sound like jet-lag though.
Okay, it is jet-lag.
My body is working on Germany time.
I'm spending the entire night writing, either writing about my favorite subject: A Life That I've Never Had or just incessant ramblings like this. At least I'm writing.
I'm a writer, but not an author you know :)
I might be better with words, but when it came to one-on-one conversation, I tend to get nervous.
Umm, seriously, I can get nervous too sometimes. Don't believe it? Take my hand when I'm on a one-on-one conversation with someone, it will be cold.
Actually, I made that up.
I don't get nervous easily, in fact, I'm pretty much don't care what my opposite are thinking or feeling, I say what's in my mind.
And the cold hand? Let's say I have a serious problem with my blood pressure, it's dangerously low sometimes so I may faint at unpredictable places (like in the bus station when I'm about to climb Lawu and coffee shop in Kelapa Gading)

I've said goodbye to Ana long time ago and now, I've gained 2 lbs which is still frightening for me so I'm watching closely my foods... and... her sister came, not long ago.
I don't know how, but my stomach ulcer prevents me to eat spicy, fattening foods that will make me throw up.
One time, I consumed just one chili paste in sachet and in minutes, I'm nauseating. And in the next thirty minutes, I'm struggled with the urge to vomit.
After that, with the help of a metal chopstick... I purged.
This happened few times even if I didn't eat anything spicy.
I'm sick of it, seriously, I want to do stomach transplant if I can.
Mine has been thoroughly damaged :|
At worst, even a single cigarette can trigger two days of continuous throw ups.
I had to abstain from smoking for days, even a week before becoming normal again.
Which is exasperating.
Stomach transplant, please?!?!?!?!

Umm, what else to share?
Oh yeah, my two best buddies has finally found their mates! Which is very look-alike and more like, their male counterparts! I'm happy for them! SO MUCH!
I remember the times when the three of us would complained to the world why on earth don't we get a boyfriend? What's wrong with us?
I love Pete Wentz's apple quote, so I lived with that.
Eventually, after graduation, they've found someone who had the courage to climb all the way to the top of the tree to pick their apples.
I haven't found mine though... I'm sure my apple is reachable... is it not?
If it's not then I know I just have to wait.
One day maybe? That person will come and pick my apple from the highest point of the tree... only to be disappointed that the apple is rock hard and cold. And then they'll leave it, and look for easily to reach apple tree nearby.
But if they would thaw the apple first, and let it defrost, you know, they can get an apple that hasn't been touched by a person before.
That means, whoever got that, they are the first one.
Well, like Seneca said, Ignis Aurum Probat. Fire is the test of gold :)

Now, move on from cheesy things!
Okay, my novel is going great! I've written about 170 pages! I'm so happy you know, I hope I can finish it this year, since my new year resolution consists finishing my novel -_________-
Which is wrong, I know that. I can only write at nights.
Hehe, I'm nocturnal. Now I want to have fangs or maybe a pair of wings.
I think I should be a writer. I love to write, it is my passion. I'm good with words... but?
I don't know, I don't feel it is the right thing to do.
I can write about almost anything though, but I don't think... God, actually I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.
For a second there, I wanted to be marine geologist. Then I wanted to be Miss Indiana Jones, collecting rare artifacts or you can say, grave robber, but we give the artifacts to the museum, not black market. And then, a writer. There are times when I wanted to be a doctor but it's too late now. Or maybe a politician, I wanted to change this country. A symbologist like Robert Langdon sounds good! But then again, maybe a trophy wife with a very successful young CEO as my husband (I've read Fifty Shades too much).
Oh, I wish I can live many lives as I wanted, not just fixed to just once.
Well, yeah, this is life, as cruel as it seems.
I'm trying to look at the bright side of everything.
It makes me appreciate life even more.
You should do that too.
Maybe you can enjoy yours more, if you put yourself in my shoe :D

Well, the verdict is?
I love my life.
xo,
Fud.