{Monday, 11 July 2011} 1:53 am
Sorry if my posts are cheesy :c
but yes, my blog, is my cheesy side. at one time, I can be cold to boys, rude, maybe careless. but this is my other side, I'm a human and I can feel too.
I have feelings.
maybe you thought, I'm a girl who doesn't care much about boys. or hate love love thingy... that's true, but not all true.
like I don't care to other boys would feel or what, but I care to a boy that caught my attention. maybe he's not cute or tall or cool or anything. but in my eye, he's almost perfect.
maybe he tease me a lot, but I know it was joke, and that makes me like him more.
the main problem is, he tease me a lot. at first I thought he was angry with me, or hate me. but... I don't know too haha.
maybe I like him more as friend, as a crush?
seriously, maybe you think I've million crushes out there. but unfortunately, they're not my crushes, I just think they're cute, but don't like them.
I just have one crush only, I hate the idea of having lot of crushes and confused you at the end when they don't like you.
one single crush is enough, if only you can handle them.
truth is, I can't even handle a crush. I'm not a flirt, I can't flirt and I'm not that pretty.
I bet he would like me as friend, cause that's where we start.
but that's ok if he love to have me as friend only, cause friend doesn't hurt one's feeling right? they're our only bastion when we were blue and sad.
I just hope for the best anyway :D God knows what good for me.

but this one, seriously, he keeps running through my mind everyday.
at first I was scared what if we're losing contact?
what if someday he'll forget me?
what if he suddenly likes another girl in his *ehem* new environment?
today, I spoke to him and it felt great.
I miss him.

when I was gone for jungle survival 3 days ago, all that was thinking was him... plus RHCP song, wet sand.
then somewhere in the middle of the training, I saw an eagle. it takes me back to time when we saw it together on someplace... I cried because I have to leave him. that's the reason I cried that time, maybe I want to give up on the training that time, but that's not enough to make me cry sobbingly.
he's the reason.
well, everyone maybe think that I cried because social and science class. but the main reason I cried was him..
cheesy enough?
yes it was stupid to cry for him, but I do miss him. it kills when you have to spend days without knowing your significant other's doing.
my senior offered me to call him but I don't call him... since I don't have his number (I only know his BBMessenger and MSN Id) and what will I say when I speak to him anyway?
"Sayang, kamu apakabar?"
or
"Yang, aku kangen."
"Yang aku capek.
"Yang, aku lagi mau buat api unggun."
enough to make me suicide the next morning.

dan ya, intinya dia yang buat gue kangen banget waktu itu.
walau gue yakin jutaan persen dia ga kangen gue haha... sudah ah suka suka gue ya curhat disini, orang blog blog gue.

xo.
Fud