{Sunday, 23 January 2011} 2:00 pm
She's gone. now she's home. Rest In Peace Gran.

Death, death is only a word. that describe;

1. the event of dying or departure from life
2. the permanent end of all life functions in an organism or part of an organism
3. the time when something ends
4. the time at which life ends

Thanatos, was the Greek personification of death. He's the brother of Hypnos, which is personification of sleep. and son of Nyx (night) and Erebos (darkness).
from Greek ancient mythology, we can assume that death is identical with dark, night and sleep. as if death another meaning is sleeping forever. like we sleep, and never ever wake up again.
sometimes i think, death and life are the opposite side of a same coin. when there's death, there's life. something end, something new begin.
life is an epic cycle, and we are part of it. this never ending cycle... starts from unknown to unknown. this life thingy is a mystery that only God knows when it'll ends.
and we start it with an infant phase, ends with.. no one knows. it is a mystery. something that i wanna get through with quickly.
life will always goes on with or without a single person. cruel isn't it? but that's life.
then i remember, God creates anything in pairs.
like, when there's right, there's left.
when there's every meet, there's and end.
there's nothing like living forever thingy, those bullshit only for those who believed in ridiculous vampire things.

i barely witness a death, the victim was my beloved person.
i could accept that death has been lingering around her since she was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma. about 6 months ago.
she was healthy back there, the doctor advised her to operate it, but she refused it. she doesn't want to be operated.
then i create a hypothesis "Every cancer should be lifted, except for leukemia."
and that, my hypothesis. came true.

well, earlier this morning. around 1.30 a.m.
I was woken by the noises, my mommy crying after hear that my granny is on critical condition. then she waken up my dad and hurried into my gran's house, leaving me alone with Dana at home. we were so, so worried about what will gonna happen to her. so my sister and I grab the holy bible and start reading some verses that I don't even understand.
then my sister starts to cry. seeing her cry makes me wanna cry too, but i need to toughen up. like there's nobody left in the house to keep things as it is since there's only two of us.
then in 1.50 a.m daddy text me, he says he's arrived at my gran's. we were relieved when he said nothing about "death".
then i go to pee while leaving my phone silent in the bed. after came back from the toilet, i checked my phone and receive a missed call from dad. from there, i could assume something bad had happened.
then i brave myself to phone daddy, asking him what happened. he says that Gran has died, estimated at 1 a.m.
i couldn't hold my tears again after i hear it so i tell my sister calmly, but she responded it harshly. she cries loudly, and i don't know what to do. then i hung up the phone and called my auntie.
20 min later, she picked me at home. then we gone to my Gran's house.
her house wasn't too crowded, because it was still dawn and nobody haven't publicly it yet. so i go inside and see my Gran's dead body lies before me.
I wasn't too sure it was her, she looked different... her face isn't the face that i knew, it was different. somehow, she's prettier in every way.
so i kissed her in cheek and whisper "Goodbye Gran, I'll see you in the other side."
then i don't do anything except observing whose lying in front of me. i'm 10000000000% sure it's not her.
it was just only a body, my grandmother isn't there anymore. then i realize that this body, was only flesh, place for our soul to stay....
there's something in her eyes that makes me remember my childhood. sometimes, when i looked at my picture with her. i still couldn't believe that she's gone.. forever.

yesterday was my last time to speak with her. somehow, my gram's already knew it'll coming. so he prepared the house yesterday, he moved all the furniture inside, and prepare the large living room for guests. i was wondering why...
yesterday, in her deathbed. i kissed her hand, she says she wants to be kissed in cheeks too. so i do it.
this day, 24th January 2011. she was supposed to go to the hospital again for checked up. as the doctor has give up on her, so they recommend her to visit the hospital continuously.
but plan's only plan right? we're planning something, then God decides it.
God take her home, on midnight. around 1 a.m. while she's asked my gram to take her to toilet. then he carries her to toilet. after peeing, she failed to climb up to the bed.
then my gram's got the "signal" and he hugs her, after few seconds, she died in his arms while being hugged. then she just close her eyes silently.
gram's then put her on the bed while waking the others and phoned my mum.
her death was like in the movies, i myself still can't believe that she died in his arms.

Gram's been taking care of her ever since she got out from the hospital and couldn't speak anymore. he was thinking about resigning from his job in KONI, but gran says he shouldn't have to resign just to nurse her.
Gran was telling me that she hopes that she died before my Gram's did. then God answers her by taking her home now.

mommy told me that granny has go home. but she stays in a different home... although she could still visits us sometimes when we were sleeping.
but anyway, goodbye Gran. i believe that God has prepared a house for you to wait for us in there.
one thing though: Will you wait for me in there Granny?